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Sly and the Family Stallone mistakenly booked for 14 European engagements
London—
idea why I’m up here, either,” he said, following a surprisingly not-so-completely off-kilter performance of
“Everyday People”.
had no previous knowledge of the percussive arts, much less been trained to read sheet music.
apparent that lead vocal duty for the Family Stallone would’ve been best left to him, a pop and jazz
performer of some note. Yet Sylvester was placed in the role of front man, and so continued to slur his way
through the funk classic as best he could. Following a nervously hesitant take on “Don't Call Me N-----,
Whitey”, Stallone again expressed severe doubt as to his abilities—in fact, doubting the entire leg of the
tour. “Really? Is this what you paid for? Honestly?” he queried the loosely-packed theatre-goers. After a full
minute, during which many ticket-holders squirmed in their seats and squinted in uncertainty at both him
and their companions, Stallone again put forth the same questions, emphatically insisting that they weren’t
rhetorical. “No. Really.”
conduct a psychic reading to a young couple in the first row. “You two are married, right?” she asked them.
When told that they weren’t married, Jackie continued to fish for information to give the impression of
psychic abilities. Finally, after she got nearly every presumption about the couple wrong, Frank guided his
eccentric mother back to her stool behind her rack of electronics. “Musical theatre,” joked Sylvester
uneasily, before nodding to his daughter Sophia to begin the opening to “Stand!”, strangely adapted to her
awkwardly unskilled triangle playing.
silence and staring in wide-eyed disbelief at their dates as they milled toward the exits.
He’s kind of new. Maybe he hasn’t really seen my movies. You know: Rocky, and Cliffhanger. I even have a
new Rambo movie coming out. None of these things are the least bit musical. And neither are we.
Oooooh,” he said with a wince, and a sharp intake of air through his teeth, “no offense, Frank.”
*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*
Copyright 2007 by Tim Opper
Sly and the Family Stallone mistakenly booked for 14 European engagements
London—
- After playing four not-quite sold-out dates in front of mostly confused crowds in Italy, Portugal, and
idea why I’m up here, either,” he said, following a surprisingly not-so-completely off-kilter performance of
“Everyday People”.
- His oldest son, Sage, seemed to fumble through most of his drumming, dropping his sticks more
had no previous knowledge of the percussive arts, much less been trained to read sheet music.
- A prodigiously pedestrian rendition of “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)” seemed to be the
apparent that lead vocal duty for the Family Stallone would’ve been best left to him, a pop and jazz
performer of some note. Yet Sylvester was placed in the role of front man, and so continued to slur his way
through the funk classic as best he could. Following a nervously hesitant take on “Don't Call Me N-----,
Whitey”, Stallone again expressed severe doubt as to his abilities—in fact, doubting the entire leg of the
tour. “Really? Is this what you paid for? Honestly?” he queried the loosely-packed theatre-goers. After a full
minute, during which many ticket-holders squirmed in their seats and squinted in uncertainty at both him
and their companions, Stallone again put forth the same questions, emphatically insisting that they weren’t
rhetorical. “No. Really.”
- “I just don’t get it,” he murmured to himself in quiet befuddlement, then slowly shook his head (not
- Toward the end of the evening, Stallone’s mother, Jackie, stepped out from behind her keyboards,
conduct a psychic reading to a young couple in the first row. “You two are married, right?” she asked them.
When told that they weren’t married, Jackie continued to fish for information to give the impression of
psychic abilities. Finally, after she got nearly every presumption about the couple wrong, Frank guided his
eccentric mother back to her stool behind her rack of electronics. “Musical theatre,” joked Sylvester
uneasily, before nodding to his daughter Sophia to begin the opening to “Stand!”, strangely adapted to her
awkwardly unskilled triangle playing.
- Stallone brought the show to a close with a medley of sorts: a weirdly familiar mish-mash of the
silence and staring in wide-eyed disbelief at their dates as they milled toward the exits.
- When asked before the show what his manager was thinking when he booked Stallone and his
He’s kind of new. Maybe he hasn’t really seen my movies. You know: Rocky, and Cliffhanger. I even have a
new Rambo movie coming out. None of these things are the least bit musical. And neither are we.
Oooooh,” he said with a wince, and a sharp intake of air through his teeth, “no offense, Frank.”
- “None taken,” said his brother, who zipped up his coveralls and commenced his trash duties in the
*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*PRESS RELEASE*
Copyright 2007 by Tim Opper
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