PATRICK "LUCKY" CHARMS
    Professional leprechaun; Charms runs weapons throughout Southeast Asia;
rumoured to have once beaten a prostitute to death with his shillelagh in a Bangkok
hotel room;
    UPDATE: Charms was apprehended on 17 March 2004, ending his three
decades of Gaelic gunrunning, although part of his plea bargain was to continue ad
work for General Mills, "For the love o' the wee little ones," said Charms through his
defense attorney; while incarcerated, a magical rainbow (his signature mode of
delivery) appeared through his cell's window, bringing with it a Pot o' Snub-nosed
Pistols; the weapons were immediately confiscated and Charms spent the next six
months in solitary confinement; he has plans to write his memoirs in prison, and
claims no regrets, preferring to patiently wait out his sentence rather than ask for
leniency from the U.K. courts; "They can sod off! I've already had six knock-abouts this
week alone, but I can take it. I'm a bloody Irishman!" he said in sharply-trilled defiance;
up for parole in 2015
TONY THE TIGER aka ANTON "THE ENFORCER" SHEVNINA
Real name: AHTOH ТИГР
    Shevnina, a Russian expatriate, lost his accent during the Cold War in order to facilitate
commercial endorsement deals; turned to corporate terrorism, and eventually was driven to the
remorseless position of professional assassin in bitter response to the as-yet unsolved contract
killing of his brother, Pyotr (best-known for his work with Exxon); personally responsible for over 70
food industry "hits"

PLUS 32 MORE REVEALING ENTRIES!

All "Cereal Killers" text copyright 2007 by Tim Opper
All contents Copyright 2006-2011 by Tim Opper
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